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Strip everything away

Twisting and turning I couldn’t see the way, everything so complicated in my mind, a haze! Then the simple truth of Jesus put me very straight. His truth is all I need, everything else can be stripped away. Come back to the beginning, to the basics, to the bread. When all things seem lost and lousy, just look up to […]

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Just today

Today my head is full of lead, I can barely tread so I’ve taken to my bed. I try to meditate but my mind is full of hesitate. I thought all these daily affirmations would heal my problems, but now I’m burned out trying so hard to navigate. I have this condition and am grateful for the days of remission, but today my mind fogs and my breath feels clogged. Today I just rest and stay safe instead. A rest day isn’t a failure, it’s a recuperation, to stand again and go forward. How can one man have this much power? he’s caused so much pain and now I have to rebuild my life, all over again! Today, just today, I take to my bed. Today, just today, I rest instead.

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I wait patiently

I wait patiently on the Lord, who is always good to me. He knows the hairs on my head, He knows when I come in and when I go out, I can never be out of His watchful protection. He guards me, I am surrounded. Angels watch my step and I will not stumble or fall. I wait patiently on the Lord, who is always faithful to me. He brings me out into a wide open space, He draws me by still waters, He envelopes me with His loving embrace. I wait patiently on the Lord, who knows my needs and brings to fruition the desires of my heart. My imagination cannot comprehend his goodness. His goodness is beyond my most excellent thoughts. I wait patiently on the Lord, who is kind and gentle and guides my path. He leads me through the narrow gate, he gives me the courage to take the road less travelled. I wait patiently on the Lord because I know I am His daughter. He reaches out to me before I reach out to Him. He rescues me quickly and I do not stray. His direction is what is good and what is best for me. He delights in me. I delight in Him. I wait patiently on the Lord, He is central to my peace. Like a radar in a foggy mist I can navigate my way forward. He directs my steps, I am […]

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Co-heir with Christ

He has an outstretched canopy of comfort, He holds me closer than I dare to imagine. I am co-heir with the one who defeated the grave, with the one who ran into hell to save. I am in the royal family as His blood atones for me. I am righteous because He died and rose back to life, He fights for me. I am free in the one that makes the darkness flee. I am powerful because I am co-heir with the one that has the greatest authority. Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17)      

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Peace amidst anxiety

Peace is not just the lack of war, but a state of being, an option to choose, something to go after; ‘Seek peace and pursue it’ (Psalm 34:14). Lately, I have been feeling turbulent, I have not felt fully peaceful in a while, my mental state has made this more difficult. Amidst anxiety, I have wondered how I continue to pursue peace. The concept of peace is much more tangible when I think of Jesus as the full representation of peace. Perhaps peace is to wieldy of a concept to go it alone, perhaps thats why making it personable is necessary. To make it about going after Jesus. If I keep close to Him then peace fills my  heart; ‘Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts’ (Colossians 3:15).  Jesus was so at peace with himself that he slept through a storm at sea (Mark 4: 38). I would love to have that level of peace within. The truth is, we do have access to that same level of peace, full access to it. So why the anxiety? there’s no need for me to be anxious if I am casting my burdens on God (Peter 5: 7). So why then does anxiety still happen? why am I here as an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital? how has this happened when I have Jesus? I think this has happened because sometimes I take my eyes off of him and look at my problems […]

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You hold me by my right hand

Psalm 73: 23 “Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand” You are holding me up and keeping me strong, my love for you is an everlasting song. You surround me with comfort, a warm embrace. You always come quickly, with your everlasting grace. You hold me still, you hold me tight, you always pull me through every dark night. My focus can waiver, but you always stay faithful. It’s a good job my faith isn’t down to me alone, Jesus leans in and brings me back home.

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Warrior!

My mind paces, my body races, I feel agitated through to my bones, but God embraces, and simply says, “hold on here, your faith will lift you out”. My faith lifts me out of the mud and mire, lifts me out of the shackles holding on to my feet. He sets me on solid ground, where I find true peace. A moments desolate treachery shouts, “will you die?”, I have a choice here, do I bow down or stand up to this now! I stand up tall and swing my sword, I fight for my right to survive this life. I am here to live, no compromise. My God listens and looks out, no enemy can conquer me, I have no doubt. I am fiercely, fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a warrior and this is my day! My day to win, my day to reign, mighty and glorious is the victorious way.                

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The reality of section 3 of the mental health act

Today I felt low, weary and blue. Being escorted to an appointment reminded me of the weight of the section on me, I wasn’t allowed out of the healthcare assistant’s (HCA’s) sight. “She’s under section 3 of the mental health act”, the HCA said out loud to the person I met for my appointment. I felt my body shudder. This is real! I have been detained, I am still detained. All for my safety, I rationalise. But, the weight of the suppression I can’t compromise. I feel like I am “under” something heavy that restricts my freedom and rights. A session in the gym this afternoon helped to lift my mood and a call with family too. A friend sent a text, she is visiting tonight; simple gestures of love and thoughtfulness from beyond these walls means so much at this time. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be detained, but what I know is that one day my section will be lifted, and I will stand with my head held high, knowing I had the courage to choose to get well, to choose life.        

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Today is a landmark day

It’s not just another normal day in The Priory today – The door on the ward has been opened! No fob or bell or permission needed to enter or exit. They opened the door today because there is no one on the ward that is at risk of absconding – feels like a landmark day. The staff and patients all seem brighter, happier that more trust has been given both ways. More of my freedoms have been increased, more privileges endorsed. Today is a landmark day. The simple symbolism of an open door, representing freedom and liberty. How glad it makes ones heart feel to know that despite being on a section 3, I’m not held in captivity. Today is a landmark day.

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Love saves

My family and my friends love for me and my love for them, saves me every time. Love rescues me time and time again, pulling me off from the ocean floor. Love conquers and triumphs over all things. God is Love (1 John 4: 16). There is no fear in love,  but perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4: 18). 

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Refined

Originally posted on Tabitha’s Tabernacle:
Dust off the old, drink the new wine. Stretch out your tent pegs, you are cultivated and refined. Refined in the fire, the blaze of glory; the kiln turns the clay into the everlasting story. It comes out shining, glazed and pure. It comes out so much better than ever before. The fire purges…

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